Snap-Pop! The sound magnified throughout the vehicle, echoing
through my head; an instant stop to the arguing, lies and screaming. Protruding
cries from our child in the back seat breaking through the silence, bringing me
back to the light. Where for a split of a minute everything stood still in a
dark silence.
“1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims
of severe physical violence (e.g. beating, burning,
strangling) by an intimate partner in their lifetime.” (National
statistics Domestic Violence, n.d.)
It had only been 2 months since my
return home to California from prison and the halfway house in Colorado. I knew
that there were secrets and the father of my youngest child had been living a
double life while I was away, I just did not know to what extent. Exactly one
month before January 25, 2017 he had left to go get cigarettes while I was
barbequing dinner for us and our daughter. "I'll be right back, I'm going
to get some smokes," as he kissed me saying, I love you. He walked off
with the football. Only, not to return for over 13 hours. I was frantic,
confused, and not to mention already having culture shock being gone for 18
months, and coming home to a child that no longer new me. After that day he
began leaving us more often, not answering the phone, or text is, not allowing
us to have a phone. Coming home for lunches stopped, soon to only come home
right after work to shower change, and leave again, and not return most often
until bedtime or bath time for our young daughter, and then to leave again
while I would lay her down and not return until after she fell asleep. Over the
next month I begin logging his URL's searches, texts, deleted and stored
data on his phone, firestick, and computer until I had enough facts to confront
him with the truth, names, numbers, and locations of what I found. I thought
this time I can finally call him out, he will not be able to flip his lies on
me and turn things around and talk his way out of this one. Especially, once I
show him what I found and know. I found payments that were made for services
that had been stored in the hard drive, and I had tracked his location and
whereabouts to multiple motel and hotel rooms. When finally, confronting him
and asking him questions, in the car he began lying, that's when I pulled out
the phone and attempted to show him what I knew, and I got louder so he would
stop lying, listen and look at my proof. Not wanting to see it, and unable to
talk his way out of the lies this is what he did next.
The snap from my neck, the popping
of the bone(s) was the loudest popping sound I have ever heard a body make.
Snap Crackle Pop
(January 25, 2017)
Those were the sounds I heard that
day following the rapid and forceful hyperextended twist, shove, and turn of my
neck by my youngest daughter's dad. It was like something you would see out of
a Ninja movie where one Ninja in one split of a second, turns and snaps the
neck of the other Ninja before he can even blink an eye. Just like that and
snap his now lifeless body collapses to the ground, head twisted and left
leaning to one side. Yes, that is exactly how it happened, well almost. My
youngest daughter's father is no Ninja, and neither am I, oh and I my lifeless
body did not fall to the ground, we were parked at a red light where I was
riding passenger, and him of course in the driver seat. It is much more rare
and harder to kill a person by snapping their neck then how the movies make it
look. Although, paralysis or even a stroke can occur, I believe even brain
damage, and clogged arteries are more common. The other details are
accurate to the incident though, and after he did his Ninja move on me it was
like for a split minute everything went dark. The lights went out, no sun, no
sounds, no more radio. Everything for a split minute was dark and silent. Then
the screams broke through the silence. The agony of our daughter's cries,
screams, and yelps from in her car seat positioned directly behind me. Her
father's voice begging for me to move and to open my eyes, "Anje, Anje
Please, Open your eyes, Please Anje Say Something, Move, Anje Please, Please
Move your head, I’m sorry, Please Anje say Something, I’m Sorry, I just Wanted
You to Be Quiet and Stop." He went on begging. Slowly I opened my eyes, I
can still see the expression holding on his face. The music was playing on the
radio still, our daughter's cries protruded, "mommy, mama,
mama." I must be honest this feeling of death I cannot quite explain and
visions I saw overwhelmed me. For a second, I thought I was dead. My head stuck
to the left with little feeling in my legs, I began shaking and crying,
"no, I can't, I don't want to, I'm scared to move my head, I can't hardly
feel my legs I can't move my legs." I was terrified that I was not going
to be able to move and could not come to terms with what just happened. I was
beside myself in confusion, it did not seem real. He continued to beg me to
move my head and to say something.
" 1 in 15 children are exposed to
domestic violence a year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this
violence," (National statistics Domestic Violence, (n.d.).
This was not my first-time
experiencing rage or a temper from a domestic partner but, never have I ever
experienced anything like this. It happened so fast. In the moment I swear if
this man did not attempt to kill me. I know my fights with my older children’s
father were traumatizing too, no doubt together as companions we were a toxic
couple, and not to excuse them but, honestly, that was an entirely different
experience. Now do not get me wrong I am not justifying or excusing any form of
violence on another person. But, with complete honesty there was something much
deeper and darker about this relationship and the darkness of abuse I was just
really beginning to plunge into. By the time I am done writing this everything
will make sense. Please continue to follow me to hear my whole story, I will
have to jump around a little, so be sure to follow.
When writing about it my mind
still flashes back to the moment of time like as if it is happening right now.
I slowly lifted my head from leaning to the left to straight while still
sitting in the passenger seat facing forward. Sitting with a look of relief and
sincerity he said, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, thank God Anje.” Putting the
car into drive and pulling through the intersection. We pulled up to the gate
of the apartment complex and into the carport, “Can you walk? Are you okay,
hold on, I’ll get the baby, I’ll help you?” Opening the car door and stepping
out my legs are numb, and no feeling in my toes and part of my feet, my knees
wobbly. “I got it, I’m fine, but my legs are week, the feeling is coming back.”
I was still in shock. After walking into our apartment, he stands out back
smoking a cigarette and starts loading up the car, “I’ll be right back. Are you
okay Anje, are you going to be okay, are you going to call the cops? Should we
go to the hospital? Do you want a beer, or something from the store? I'm sorry
I'll be right back.” “No, I am fine, no I am not, I know you did not mean it,
I’m fine,” I responded, feeling bad for him. I was more worried about the
disappointment and sadness I imagined he was feeling with himself, I wanted him
to forgive himself, I was scared to be alone and what would happen if I went to
the hospital, I could not live without him I thought. I did not want him to
live with this, I just thought we could forget it happened.
“Please do not leave, where are
you going, please don’t go.” I pleaded and asked. He replied, “I’ll be right
back” and left. Several hours passed and he finally returned home in the middle
of the night. The sound of the dodge journey pulling into the car
port and head lights shining across the back porch. He was home. “Where have
you been, how could you leave me,” I desperately asked. “I went to my mom’s
Anje, I am sorry. I had to go tell someone, and then I went by Amanda’s and
Jose’s to drop something off,” he said. “You told your mom,” I asked. “Yes,
Anje my sister was there. I told both. You will never believe what happened, I
am so sorry I took so long, my Uncle Tom’s girlfriend stopped by her was a mess.
Her son killed his girlfriend out in Hemet. Anje, that could have been you,
Anje what if I had killed you? Her son called her and told his mom; you know my
Uncles girlfriend and said, "I think I killed her". Anje she had to
call the cops on her own son. When the cops got there, she was dead. They just
had a baby.” This homicide happened earlier that morning and was the outcome of
a domestic dispute as well. This is how I can remember the exact date of my
incident that poor dead mother could have been me.
Domestic Violence and the True Facts
"Every minute there are nearly, and
average of 20 people being physically abused by an intimate partner in the
United States. For one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and
men,"(National statistics, Domestic Violence, n.d.). That is more than 10
million adults in the United States alone experiencing domestic violence. The
numbers continue to rise as it is one of the fastest growing crimes across the
nations. According to an article by the national coalition against
domestic violence (NCADV), "1 in 4 women and 10 men have experienced abuse
from an intimate partner consisting of sexual, physical, emotional, mental,
and/or psychological." (National statistics Domestic Violence, n.d.)
There are many domestic abuses
that never comes to the surface to be known and slips into the cracks of
society. Hidden, and never talked about, and if broken free from, suppressed
and pretended to be healed from and forgotten.
Written by: Anjela Smith
References
National statistics Domestic Violence. (n.d.). Retrieved from NCADV STATISTICS:
https://ncadv.org/statistics
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